Toddler Attention Span

I find myself losing patience with the boys during certain activities and times of day and periodically lacking compassion for their limitations as little ones. They are sweet, precious babies, and I always go check on them after they fall asleep at night... when they lay there looking innocent and perfect and like they would never rebel against me or throw a tantrum. And of course it's in these moments that I want to cry over the too-quick passage of time and over how I no longer have baby-babies and how I was too quick to lose my patience that day or too slow to join them in playing. But in the heat of the moment, during what often feel like long days, it's so easy to lose it. To feel frustration over their disobedience and stubbornness and distracted-ness. 

I went to church this morning and listened to our pastor Jeff... who really caught my attention when he said we are often so distracted spiritually and constantly have to be reoriented to Christ. I offhandedly thought, "Yeah, it's like spiritually having a toddler attention span." And then my thoughts were flooded with additional similar, very convicting thoughts....

Sometimes I feel as though I have to get right in their faces for them to pay attention to what I'm saying, and how often must God feel the same way, when I refuse to pay attention to what He is doing around me or what He is trying to say to me.

Recently my blood has boiled a time or two when Charlie has completely ignored me while watching Curious George. But I wonder how many days I have ignored the Lord, even while knowing much more is at stake in my disobedience??

I've thought with frustration at times about how transitions can be a train-wreck with toddlers. Even given appropriate warning that an activity is about to change or end, a tantrum is not necessarily averted. But I've acted the same way so many times... when God takes a direction in my life I'm not ready for, or does something I'm not expecting.. and then I theoretically throw myself on the floor and (literally) cry about it. And sometimes I wail and moan and complain the whole time, when all along my "suffering" was insignificant and didn't really last that long anyway.

It's annoying when I have to continually speak to them to keep them on task, and when picking up toys takes forever, when they don't want to put away what they're playing with. But I know I have to be kept "on task" by the Lord, and I often don't want to put my "toys" down to do what needs to be done. It's kind of like He can never leave me alone, lest I get bored/distracted/interested in something else and wander off to do something I don't need to be doing. Oh, so often I want to play on the computer at night or stay up to all hours reading a book... when I need to be in bed getting prepared for my next day of what God has called me to, of walking with him and serving my family.

Sometimes I wonder, when the boys are bickering with each other, how am I supposed to communicate to you at this age that it's not just about doing what mommy says, but it's about learning how to consider your brother's needs above your own. I'd like to say something like, "Charlie, please love your brother well. Please love him more than your desire to play with your toy and let him have a turn." But what comes out is: "Charlie!! STOP! Give him the toy NOW!" You know that tone of voice goes up... and I get snappy... and don't think about how I usually consider my needs above others too. Not much selfless service here... just ask my husband. The Lord is so gentle to remind me how I'm to kindly and selflessly serve him, and others in my life, and I respond with (usually internally, but it's still my heart's response...) "It's my time... it's my turn... I deserve this...I need this time alone... I need this money to buy that..." etc. etc. etc. The ugliness is deep.

Today I am overwhelmed by my spiritual toddler-ness. It's really kind of pathetic. But I am refreshed with this: 

"For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust." Psalm 103:14

Thank you Jesus, that you know I'm simply human... simply formed of dust. I'm thankful that He knows it all. All the ways I lose it with my family. All the ways I fail them and others. All the ways I fail Him and wander around like a clueless, distracted spiritual toddler. All the times I have tantrums because He doesn't give me what I (think I) want. All the times I disobey Him, ignore Him, turn from Him. ALL OF IT.

And He died for that. He knows it all, He died for it all, He loves me completely, and He is ceaselessly compassionate, patient, and loving. Praise the Lord.

And may I be mindful that my children are but toddlers. May I be mindful of their limitations and have compassion. May I imitate our Heavenly Father and reach out to them with love and patience.

Thank you Jesus for the Gospel, and may Your Gospel infuse every area of my life.